Fri-ends

Well just rewinding some memories that pass across my mind, I decided to drift a little from the GUY and the GANG issue and talk a little about another issue that is mainly my problem. F.R.I.E.D.N.S this word doesn't just consist of some letters put together to form a word. It has a wider meaning. Friendship means caring, loving, loyalty, honesty and a bunch of other things. I suck at choosing my friends. I don't know why? Am I that stupid or that naïve?   I have no idea. Well I had a lot of friends, not all of them are close. Yet the close ones often betrayed me so bad and I just lost them. I confess I have some defects but who doesn't?! I get angry so easily, I get jealous so easy, but my good points overwhelm my defects. And I don't change, so why do they like me and claim that they love me and that we are more than best friends somewhat like sisters or maybe twins. Then suddenly they just are fed up and can't take it anymore, they say that my defects they can't stand?!!But what about their defects? Why don't I get bored s easily? They hurt me, tell me words like daggers, scrub the wounds often, may believe rumours about me, all this and I just forgive and forgive. Why don't they do the same as I do, they scold me when I do some actions although they do worse than them. And when I get mad at them they just say am melodramatic and over exaggerating and so on. Then you discover the worst betrayal, to think I might sabotage their relation with other friends either males or females. I mean really people? I am not that bad?! I never intend to harm anyone especially my friends. How could you think this of me? Is this friendship? No TRUST, no HONESTY?!! I got no clue, I have been betrayed so bad that now when I feel that someone might betray me, I am sorry I will just let go of him/her first no matter how much he/she means to me. And no matter what people might say about me that am lunatic or psychic or whatever, everything I say and I mean EVERYTHING turns to be completely right in the END...…!!