Am not happy, am not sad either,
just not happy.
I often wonder why but yet I
didn't find an answer.
I tried doing different things to
distract myself and maybe find this happiness everyone is talking about.
Doing exercise, going out with
friends, watching movies and series, everything. Yet I felt nothing.
It just feels too lonely these
days. I know some people, but even when I hang out with friends, I feel nothing
I mean I enjoy my own company
more which is really frightening.
I hate to be alone with myself,
it's when my mind starts thinking and I can't shut it off.
It's really dark inside my head,
different non-stopping thoughts keep hitting me. I even imagine some situations
that might happen in the future and of course they are not "Happy"
ones.
Am I depressed?! I believe I
am....
Maybe it's the reason why am not
happy anymore....
I don't know what to do actually because
nothing seems to give m this sense of satisfaction, happiness or whatever good
feelings you might call....
People accuse me of pushing them
away, but it's just that am no longer comfortable being around people. I don't
have "fun", I don't feel ok or refreshed or whatever people feel that
I can't put into words as I don't feel it
It's so empty inside of me, like
there's nothing there and it is starting to frighten me
Am I going to live like that for
the rest of my life, will it be all gloomy and depressing for like forever?!
Will I find a way out of all this?! Or this is it and am trapped inside of my
own head forever....
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